There are strange men in the bathroom of my office building. Two guys sometimes speak in hushed conspiratorial tones with piles of paperwork balanced on the sink. When I enter, they look up and say “Please come in” as if inviting me into their home.

One time the sink was filled with hair. Lots of it. This wasn’t just a shave, it was a fugitive on the run frantically fumbling with scissors and hair-dye. Another time I was greeted by man planted in the middle of the room and wearing only boxers. He gave me a cheery wave before disappearing into a stall and making a lot of noise. There’s the guy you sometimes catch washing his feet in the sink with his socks draped over the paper towel dispenser. And the young man who brushes his teeth like a maniac: he keeps his arm perfectly still while jerking his head against the toothbrush like a piston. It’s frightening to watch.

And there’s the guy who is always conducting important business on his cellphone while peeing. One time he was saying “Yes, thanks for following up – we’re reviewing several applications and we’ll be in touch soon.” I flushed and he flashed me the dirtiest look, as if I were the inconsiderate one.

When we pass each other in the hall or stand together in the elevator, we act as if everything is normal.

* * *

Ectomorph – Bizarre
from Abstraction. Interdimensional Transmissions, 1997
One of my favorite pieces of vinyl from the master of electro sleaze.